she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
