I'm going to jail i love you
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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