k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
