This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
