I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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