This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
