If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
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