I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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