If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
this boner is exhausting
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
