I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Randomize
