yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
