i barfeds in our rink
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
im holly from the hills drunk
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
