Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
It's never too late to be topless.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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