i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
