Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
