Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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