I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
