I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
