wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
