My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
