i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
