If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I can't trust your balls anymore.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Randomize
