I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
