Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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