i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
