if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Randomize
