I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I need a beard to bite.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
