Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
