I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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