What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
