Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
