Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
