i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
