I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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