If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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