I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
