There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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