She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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