i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
