Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
