Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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