Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
we're making bets on your personal life
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
