I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
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