Are we in a gay sports bar?
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
