So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
