How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I deserve this hangover.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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