I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
