Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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