Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
