nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
