So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
