"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
