i just wanna soil my oats bro
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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